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Success? What is that anyway?

I can’t think of a more unclear word.

That is, one that I despise so much. My entire life I’ve chased this abstract word.

This word with no clear definition.

A small measure of academic achievement was first, social inclusion and acceptance was second. Then there was a career and good salary.

Then buying a big house. Then wanting people to know that I had a big house. Then hard work, then promotion, then sweat, then promotion, then life compromise, then promotion, then…

WTF!!!!

I chased success the way kids chase lightning bugs. Over there, grab it. Now it’s there, go grab it. I was searching for a flash of light in a dark place.

BECAUSE I WAS LOST!

Do you know what else came with all of that great success?

The build up of a PRETENTIOUS TOOL BAG.

A guy who would spend his night in hotel bars escaping instead of building vitality through exercise.

A guy who forgot how much art and creativity meant to him.

A guy that valued having lots of “friends” over crafting special and unique friendships.

A guy that wanted to help other people, but forgot to help other people.

All while continuing  down the path of corporate “success”, presenting to executives and lighting the cash on fire.

I was on a fast rise to the top and looked like someone who had all the answers. The problem was. I had none.

I looked suited for the ride, but I wasn’t ready for the chaos. I wasn’t ready for the nightmare that was about to come down on me.

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In addition to the remainder of this story, if this resonated with you, I have a major itch to share my thoughts with you on a “Normal” life. The designer house, with the designer kids, in the designer school. A life of norm. A life absent of fire, fuel, and creativity. A life of the 9-5. A life of mediocracy.