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I used to spend Sunday’s with my STOMACH IN KNOTS. It was time to go back to that GOD FORSAKEN thing.
Time to pack my suitcase and get on ANOTHER flight. Time to work relentlessly and then lose the world in DRINK after DRINK at the hotel bar.
Time to engage in another PRETENTIOUS conversation with some other lost soul that I’d try to impress for absolutely no reason at all.
And soon enough, time to get back on that flight and spend all weekend in a PATHETIC combination of DRUNK and HUNGOVER or BOTH at the same time.
Don’t get me wrong. It was not all bad all the time. Some of those that I met and shared life stories and experiences with over the years were some of the BEST TIMES OF MY LIFE, and I will cherish and treasure them forever (Paul, Ed, Doug, Matt, Vikas, Rob).
But most of the time it was just me performing complete self sabotage. And I COULDN’T ESCAPE IT. Everything social included drinking. Music concerts, without alcohol, became HELL ON EARTH.
Steeler games without drinking? – I might as well just check myself into a padded room. Baseball games with some friends? – You try going nine innings in 90 degree weather without that COLD one that you have grown to love. In the infamous words of Donnie Brasco, “Forget about it”.
On top of it all. I saw let down and shame everywhere I looked.
Everyone loved being with me.
But deep down, I knew that they EXPECTED ME TO BE BETTER. And I absolutely knew, that I expected that of myself. I was letting my family and friends down andMYSELF DOWN in a major unforgiving way.
But I did forgive, eventually. After I decided to SET IT ALL ON FIRE. Late nights got replaced with early morning Racquetball Matches. I call this the 1 rock that killed 4 birds.
We deepened our friendship. We got exercise. We got something fun to do. And we got the opportunity to be competitive, and to engage our minds and bodies in a useful way. We’ve now been doing this for over 2 YEARS.
The frequent social scene has been replaced with playing dolls and dress up with my daughter.
The people who carry drama and baggage are avoided like the plague.
The social gatherings have been limited to close friends and family only. People I actually enjoy spending time with.
Some friends are gone. Our lives just don’t mesh well together. Life goes on. I’m ok with that.
Nights out raging have been replaced with a nice dinner with a woman I love.
Unhealthy food and thoughts and activities are banned. They’ve been replaced by reading, meditation, healthier eating, and the buildup of vitality through exercise.
I can still do some of the old things with the right people and at the right time but they are no longer a part of my life.
I’m NOT A WIZARD and I don’t have it all figured out. Far from it. This is my continued therapy and I will always be looking to LEARN, GROW, and EXPAND.
But I do know that there is great happiness FOR EVERYONE or ANYONE to find if you focus on one small thing. REMOVE THE BAGGAGE.
We are the MASTERS of our own lives and the COMMANDERS of our own destiny.
We decide who we spend time with, how we treat our bodies, our minds, our souls.
We consciously decide every day what our mood will be like, how much alcohol we’ll drink, how many cigarettes we will smoke, how much we will gossip about others, how much TV we will watch, how much we will take for granted…..
If you want to start reshaping your life, start retooling yourself with FRESH NEW ACTIONS!
In order to do that, you have to immediately and consciously remove the baggage. If that daily cheeseburger is soaking up every last bit of energy that you have, then set that SONOFAGUN on fire!
If you find yourself constantly talking negatively behind people’s backs, tell yourself that you are better than that and that those people deserve a better version of you.
My 1 simple life motto and daily life action is to find the weight that is holding me down, put a fire under its little butt, and TAKE FLIGHT in my new found FREEDOM.
Go find your better YOU!
Hugs & High Fives,
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